On Irony

Her:
I wanted to send you a message but your profile is just so ironic I didn't know where to start. So here goes nothin'!

Him:
How's it fuckin ironic? And what's ironic about it?
This aint no something that's just a show, this is real life! And we're all characters in each other's story, and durin something just to do it is dumb. The story my friend is life and you do it... to it. Penis lick. That's what I say.
If it makes you feel good do it.
Pancakes are good. I touch myself way too much when Im thinking of you.
I don't dance as much as I should.
Just dance, always dance. Being naked is awesome.
Facebook status update: "Good things are awesome! Bad things suck! :("
Everything poops and birds are awesome.
Getting dog hairs in my mouth doesn't even bother me... Just get it.
Weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner weiner!
Once I ate some dum dum pops and then ate some smarties to balance it out.
Fuck your backwards baseball cap you douche!
Milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milky milk milky milky waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! It is what you think it is that is what it could be. Reach that fuckin potential! God!
Never again you dang flip flaps!
"Why is there never any fuckin' beer?"
Real is real is real. I'm the realest. Remember, who cares how you spell cucumber?
An old man turned ninety-eight. He won the lottery and died the next day.
Now that's ironic...

Her:
Still trying to figure out how to respond to a message like this. Hmmm. I imagine it just would straight up scare off most ladies..